Raised by Two Women, Taught Two Different Versions of Womanhood: Rewriting Gender Stereotypes
I was raised by two powerful but very different women: my mother and my grandmother. For years, I moved between their homes, spending school terms with my mother and holidays with my grandmother. At the time, I didn’t realise it, but those two spaces were teaching me very different lessons about what it meant to be a woman.
My mother believed I could reach for the stars. She never asked me to shrink myself. I competed with boys in class, took on roles at church that were often reserved for them, and spoke my mind freely and of course, sometimes I overdid it just to irritate the boys. To others, I seemed very unusual. To my mother, I was capable, and a star in her eyes, allowing her to brag to her friends, and that was all that mattered to me.
My grandmother loved me just as profoundly, but her understanding of womanhood came with boundaries. She discouraged me from playing with boys and redirected my curiosity toward activities she considered more appropriate. When I wanted to build clay cars, she insisted I make dolls instead. Her message was subtle but powerful: ambition was allowed, but only if it did not cost me my femininity.
Growing up between these two women made me realise how early gender stereotypes take root. They are rarely taught harshly. More often, they are passed down gently, wrapped in care, tradition, and concern for how a girl will be perceived by the world.
From childhood, society teaches us what it means to be a “proper” woman or a “real” man. We are told how to speak, how to behave, what dreams are acceptable, and which ones are risky. Certain traits are labelled masculine, others feminine, and over time, we internalise these ideas without questioning them.
Those lessons do not disappear as we grow older. They follow us into adulthood and are evident in professional settings. Many women are deeply concerned with being likeable at work, even when they are competent and hardworking. We feel uneasy when authority figures disapprove of us because, from childhood, we were taught that harmony matters more than assertiveness.
When women at work refuse to accept blame for mistakes they did not make, they are often viewed as difficult or lacking team spirit. When men do the same, it is called confidence. This difference is not accidental; it is learned. It also explains why many women hesitate to compete for leadership roles or political office, even though they are just as capable as their male colleagues.
As actress and activist Laverne Cox once said, “Gender is something that is imposed on you.” That imposition often begins long before we are old enough to challenge it.
Gender equality will remain incomplete if women do not first unlearn the limits placed on their minds. We cannot fully claim space in leadership and decision-making if we still carry childhood beliefs that tell us to shrink, soften, or step aside.
The liberation of women begins internally, with recognising our worth, owning our abilities, and refusing to be defined by outdated expectations. The day we stop being surprised to see women as CEOs, political leaders, or heads of institutions will be the day equality starts to feel normal. Not exceptional. Just expected.
Take a moment to reflect on the gender lessons you absorbed as a child. Which ones are empowering you, and which ones are quietly holding you back? Question them. Unlearn what no longer serves you. That is where real change begins.
I work with a team of men and I constantly find myself trying to prove even the very obvious things. I have to work twice as hard for the same recognition as my colleagues and at the same time act “as a woman” because that’s what i am.
I look forward to the day men realise just how capable women are when given the space to grow and shine.
Now I am on a journey to show some men that there are women that can lead even better than their counterparts.
This post really got me thinking about how it’s been normalized that women should just finish school, get married, have children, and stay at home to take care of their families. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against women who choose to be full-time housewives, but we have to know that we can be more than that. We can take care of our families while still pursuing our dreams. It still baffles me that some people think women are emotional and shouldn’t hold positions because we’ll be guided by our emotions. It shouldn’t be like that. Gone are the days when women were viewed as mere complements to men. I’m glad I grew up with women who believed in education and dreaming big, despite them not being able to achieve it themselves. My mother and her sisters have always encouraged me to go to school, work hard, and take charge of my future. So, as women, we should stop idolizing these traditional gender beliefs because we have the power within us to change these stereotypes. Thanks for sharing your story, Frida.
Yours truly
Rose(Olivia)
There is a need for us to go back to the issue of culture and socialization in our African context to better deal with gender stereotypes and inequities. This is because things that are hardwired into our minds at a young age become difficult to undo when we become old. Most times they become our identity.